Dear scowling lady in CVS,

Please don't hold it against me that I am checking out before you. After all, I got to the cashier first, so I am ahead of you in line. That is how things work here! In Mali, you could shove past me -- which you clearly want to do -- and not be breaking any social code. But they don't have CVS.

Love,
Robin

P.S. Frowning gives you wrinkles.

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Dear owners of enormous dark brown home visible from Newark Street,

Is that a tennis bubble in your backyard? For real? Sure, your neighbors have front porches bigger than our apartment, but a tennis bubble seems a little over the top.

Love,
Robin

P.S. Is it heated? If so, would you consider renting?

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Dear hipster on 10-speed bike,

Those skinny black jeans and tight graphic t-shirt may look just right at the Ted Leo show (or wherever the kids are going these days) but when you are leaning forward on your bike, I can count the hairs in your exposed butt crack.

Excuse me while I shudder again at the memory, and apologize to my readers for putting that image in their minds.

Love,
Robin

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Dear residents of 3315 Newark Street,

Nice job with the jumbled-up flowerbed. Too many people have orderly rows, or keep different things segregated. I enjoyed the riot of color in front of your house.

Love,
Robin