If this week was a 3-year-old child, I would send her to the corner to consider an attitude adjustment.

This week started off with lists of things to do and decisions to make, decisions about Packing and Shipping and Lodging and Dismissing the Domestics. This week made me feel productive, at first.

But in the middle of this week I was sick for two days. I read all of Jarhead.

Towards the end of the week I dragged myself back into work. It did not go well. I floundered about helplessly, jumping from one to another of the dozen things I need to finish before the end of the month. I saw I wasn't getting anything accomplished, thought about giving up and leaving the office early, reconsidered, and stayed just long enough to screw up royally and take the GCM website offline for a few hours. Bad week!

Also this week, there have been a lot of power outages. Last night I sat in the dark and sweated. I avoided The Novel, which I hadn't touched in a couple days, choosing instead to do the crossword puzzle by the light of a battery-powered lantern. At last the guilt overwhelmed me and I added, oh, about 200 words to The Novel before giving up and retreating to the bedroom with the lantern. I read magazines under the mosquito net until the power came back, then I stayed in bed and watched The Outlaw Josey Wales.

At the back of my mind the entire time were two thoughts: 1) I can't believe how much I have to do before I go and 2) I can't believe we're really leaving. I'm ready to leave Mali, I know that, but that doesn't mean I don't feel depressed about it at the same time. Goodbye to work, to friends, to an era; goodbye to an entire country.

Today looks better. I've crossed a few things off my list and not broken anything. I've shaken off the paralysis of stress, if not the sadness over leaving this place.