We took Dad to a baseball game on Sunday. The Frederick Keys, the Baltimore Orioles' single-A farm team, are having quite the losing season this year, but the games are about so much more than baseball.

First, there's the people-watching. At the box office outside Harry Grove Stadium we fought our way through crowds of obese men with "World's Greatest Dad" T-shirts stretched tight around their protuding bellies. One lucky pop even wore a purple crown made by his kids.

Then there's the food. Being mostly vegetarian (and having just finished reading Fast Food Nation) I declined the hot dogs, chicken nuggets and Black Angus burgers. I opted instead for a cup of fries sprinkled liberally with Old Bay. For dessert, I thought I wanted Dippin Dots®, the Ice Cream of the Future, but I chickened out when I saw the cups of pebbly ice cream and got a Creamsicle® instead.

At 1:05 the first pitch was thrown to the Potomac Cannons. The first innings flew by at a good clip, with few good hits, but lots of fouls. One broke the nose and fractured the cheekbone of an unlucky woman in front of us. The fast pace and the ever-present danger of speeding baseballs kept us on the edge of our seats. For added excitement, there was a belatedly-called out: Some minutes after a play, the umpires decided the second base runner had left too soon. That made the third out and the inning ended abruptly, as it should have, but the run scored during that same play was mistakenly removed from the board. Fans booed and the home plate umpire signaled the box until the score was fixed.

But best of all, there are the prizes and the Fun Patrol. The Fun Patrol, dressed in Keys orange and led by a hoarse and energetic young man with a megaphone, move all over the stadium during the game, choosing the Sweetheart of the Game (she was over 80 years old), the Fan of the Game, etc. They shoot balled-up T-shirts into the crowd, as cheerleader-mascot types at many sporting events are wont to do. At the seventh inning stretch, they sing the Keys theme song while we all stand and -- I kid you not -- shake our keys. And several times during this very special Father's Day game, the fun patrol gave away extra prizes just for Dad: a 13" TV, an air compressor, and a gas grill. My dad didn't win any prizes, but E caught a foul ball.