Lest you think I was overly harsh on the Librarians of Congress and their lackluster parties, I will now regale you with several tales of my own lameness.
First I will tell you of the Asian Division's holiday party, to which I went bearing the gift of homemade pumpkin bread. Whenever someone complimented me on it (which happened often, if I do mention it myself), I said "Oh, thank you" and then I tried but I could not gracefully, smilingly accept the compliment, and I inevitably blurted out "this year I used butter instead of shortening, which is what the recipe calls for, and I think that made a real difference" like some kind of neurotic PTA mom at the bake sale. Blank stares ensued.
Also extremely dorky was last night's Consumer Vengeance dream. In it, I returned to the store that repeatedly screwed up our secret Christmas-related order (in real life), a Store That Shall Not Be Named because my parents read this site and then they'd know what I'm giving them. I tried to explain to the surly employees, in simple language, what had gone wrong and how I wanted them to fix it. They scoffed at me, so I raised my voice, and it nearly came to fisticuffs. The ringleader threatened me with a pencil. Then I cowed them into submission with my growly, squinty, Clint Eastwood toughness. (Slowly, now, and don't forget to squint: Tell me your names.) They hung their heads in shame at their poor customer service. I left, avenged. I told E (in my dream) about what I'd done. He was impressed and proud. Then I woke up and told E (in real life) about what I'd done (in my dream). He just laughed at me.
I don't recall any previous Consumer Vengeance dreams, although they may fall into the larger category of Rectifying Real-Life Situation Gone Wrong. Other dream categories include:
- Adventures with Coworkers
- Talking to Animals (key subtheme: Exacting Justice on Behalf of Misunderstood Animal)
- Teeth Falling Out (variation: Mouth Filling with Disintegrated Chewing Gum, Which Is Impossible to Spit Out and Inhibits Talking, Swallowing, and Breathing)
